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Suranya Aiyar

New Delhi | Wednesday | 7 August 2024

It is all very well for feminists to go up in arms over name-calling women or men for not having children, but I can say as a woman who quit work to take care of her children, and also as a young single woman who decided that she wanted to settle down with a husband and family, instead of hopping through short-term affairs for life, that bar a few exceptions I got abuse, derision and condemnation from feminists of all ages.

 

Even the exceptional feminists who were kind came from a place of their basic humanity, and had very little to offer from their feminist ideology in terms of understanding or solidarity.

 

It was certainly very intimidating for me as a house-wife and stay-at-home mom to see so many women who had no experience of husband or children rising to power in so many countries in the First World. If they had come from a context of joint families with experience of child-raising, it would have been one thing, but the lack of experience of motherhood and, in many cases, the active self-denial of it by mothers trying to survive as feminists, was alienating and a bit scary.

 

 

Article at a Glance
 
As a woman who chose to leave her career to care for her children, I've faced criticism and derision from feminists who deem my decision as "boring" and "cowardly." Despite their claims of empowerment, many feminists have shown little understanding or solidarity towards women like me who prioritize family over career.
I've received abuse and condemnation from feminists of all ages, with only a few exceptions showing kindness based on their basic humanity rather than their feminist ideology. The lack of experience and understanding of motherhood among many feminist leaders is alienating and intimidating.
There needs to be a greater willingness among feminists to listen and learn from women like me, recognizing that our choices are valid and deserving of respect.

 

Feminists are not coming across as understanding or even nice to women like me. I have had them write to me and tell me they did not agree with my choices. I have had old friends go on a mocking campaign behind my back for choosing to be boring and settling. This is seen by them as dishonest and cowardly on the part of women like me. This shows a deep divide between women like me and feminists. There needs to be more willingness on the part of feminists to listen and learn. I am not saying that my choices are the best. But there is no place on the table for women like me right now.

 

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